I've thought of a number of titles for this post and decided that giving it up up front was the way to go. After all, there's no reason to sugarcoat anything, we are happy with our decision.
So, yes, downsizing. I can't say that I never thought we would be here. Saying that would have been a lie. I have dreamt of quitting everything, moving to the south of France and living the life of leisure on a shoe string. I have dreamt of quitting Ottawa and moving to TO or NYC or someplace with more rhythm, a faster pace, a less suburban lifestyle. I have also gotten so sick and tired of cleaning this behemoth of a house you would not believe.
What I cannot tell you is when this dream has turned into a burning frustration. For both hubby and myself. For the longest time we have chalked it up to frustration of living in a reno zone. The conversations we used to have revolved around "when reno is done, ..." Now that it has been completed, we have not felt any better, only worse.
Don't get me wrong, we LOVE this house and we LOVE what we have turned this house into. I cannot count the number of times this house got badmouthed when we first bought it. And the difference is so tangible, so stark, so positive, we cannot NOT love the house. BUT we also realize that the house is what WE made it. And that every home we live in will have US in it. And will be special in its own little way. The decision to sell was much easier to make when it really trully sunk in that home is having all of us together, not walls.
What next? We don't quite know yet. We haven't bought our "next" property. We are still looking and thinking and learning. For now we will remain in the same area we're at right now, in a rental property. A place that will give us flexibility to look around and wait it out for the right thing to come along.
I have had this conversation with myself a million times. I"m not sure why. I'm not trying to convince myself. Hubby and I have talked this decision to death and back and we are confident with it. I guess I DO worry about what people will say. I do have that need to fit in and be understood, and this is a move that might not fall within those parameters. And I am a little scared of stepping outside the imaginary boundaries. That is what scares me, and that might be why this post is written a bit more defensively than I wanted it to be. I mean, I have only re-written it 10 times or so.
But what I do know is this: I'm documenting here not only renos and little snippets of our life, but also our relationship to the homes we live in and to home ownership itself. Maybe we are the pioneers, or idiots, or a bit of both. And while I may be scared a bit, I'm not scared enough to not take chances.
Especially when I have my partner in crime with me.